How to Help your Sensitive Child Through Back-to-School Season
Is your child melting down more frequently and intensely since school started? Are they having trouble sleeping too? Are they holding it together at school and then falling apart and/or being more defiant once they are home with you? If so, you are not alone! Most sensitive kids (if they are not home-schooled) have big feelings and reactions to this major life transition which occurs every fall and after every school vacation. This blog post helps parents understand WHY and HOW YOU CAN HELP your child with this oh-so-special time of year.
One of the major aspects of what makes going back to school stressful is NOVELTY.
Children have varying comfort with novelty: some rush towards new things with excitement and curiosity, while others hold back or even melt down if they encounter something unfamiliar. Highly sensitive kids often have difficulty with novelty even when they are excited to try something new. In back-to-school season, there are SO MANY new things that your sensitive child needs to adjust to:
*New routines
*New sights, smells, sounds, textures
*New people and relationships
*New intellectual challenges
*New information from new subjects, which may prompt emotional reactions to the material.
*New energies which may influence how your child feels and how much stimulation they can handle
It takes time and repetition for our sensitive brains to get used to and be comfortable with something new. So the good news is, generally, much of the discomfort that comes with going back to school gets better after our children have gotten used to all the new things. However, there are many things parents can do to support our sensitive children during this adjustment period, and often using support strategies can help children adjust more quickly and easily!
Support Strategies:
Ø Normalize how overwhelming all this newness can be.
Example: Saying simple statements such as “It’s so hard to get used to so many new things!” and naming all the new things, will help your child understand themselves and their reactions. Depending on their age you may also talk about how our brains like things to be predictable, and how it can feel stressful to our brains when we have to adjust to something new. It takes time and repetition before the stress reduces.
Ø Normalize having conflicting feelings about going to school: note the things that your child likes/enjoys, while also empathizing with difficult feelings around being challenged in new ways and making so many adjustments.
Example: “It can be so confusing to be excited about school and to hate it at the same time! What are some of the hardest things about it? What are some of the best things about it?” In my house, we also make up songs about the good and hard things at school, to various favorite tunes.
Ø Reduce overall number of activities and plans for the first few weeks of school: this gives them time to integrate and process all of the new input they are experiencing and reduces overall stimulation.
Example: Wait to introduce another new activity, such as a new sport or after-school class, until your child is showing that they’ve adjusted to all the other new things. Also reduce number of playdates, tv/movies/video games, and structured activities when possible.
Ø Proactively practice calming strategies when everyone is already calm.
Example: Sing or take deep breaths in the car on the way to or from school, or make a point of doing relaxation exercises before bed. I also encourage the use of energy healing techniques and visualization exercises, such as imagining a waterfall washing other people’s energy out of our bodies, and establishing a strong energy boundary as we head into the day (bright light or protective images around your child’s body).
Ø Encourage them to engage in non-directed play with you, their siblings and any friends they may see. Play is the number one way young children process and integrate new information. If this is something your child already does spontaneously, they will often play the themes they are integrating and/or struggling with. If you have an older child who doesn’t like to play anymore, encourage artistic expression (writing, painting, role playing) or spending unstructured time in nature.
Ø Get your child outside as much as possible before and after school. Time outside is grounding and calming for everyone.
Ø Encourage lots of physical activity before and after school: this helps discharge stress and boosts mood.
Ø Set bedtime at least a half hour earlier than usual. Many children need extra sleep to recover from and process all these changes. Daytime naps or quiet time may be needed too, even if they weren’t needed over the vacation.
When it’s too much:
If your child is struggling to the point where you are in constant conflict with each other, or they’re becoming physically aggressive, or meltdowns are lasting an hour or more, or they’re not sleeping at all, this can mean that additional support is necessary. In addition, if they are still struggling 6-8 weeks after school has started, it may be time to look at bigger picture issues such as whether the school is a good fit for your child and their needs, or whether certain accommodations may be needed to support them in feeling more regulated in the school environment. Whenever possible, communicate regularly and partner with your child’s teacher(s) to support your child in the classroom. If you feel you and your child need more support to get through this transition, I am here for you! Book a free discovery call and ask me whatever you like!
Carolina is an active and proud member of the Sensitive Empowerment Community! Learn more about this wonderful group through Julie Bjelland’s website at https://www.fatfreecartpro.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=342244&c=ib&aff=383793. There are numerous free and paid resources designed to support Highly Sensitive People on this site!
