Please Play With Your Kids!
I was recently made aware of a trend on social media in which some parents state that parents should let children play by themselves, rather than the parents being involved. I want to speak specifically from my background as an early childhood mental health specialist here, to advocate the opposite!
First, I want to normalize that children playing without close adult supervision or participation often happens naturally throughout the course of the day. Parents have to take care of business (housework or paid work), teachers have multiple children to watch on the playground, and so the kids have to find some way of occupying themselves. Even in many childcare centers for children under age 5yrs, babies are left to explore the room or play area on their own for substantial periods of time. So I am not saying play “on their own” should never happen! Play without close adult supervision has the potential to foster many important things, including creativity, conflict resolution skills (when they have to work out a conflict themselves), or even frustration tolerance and other coping skills when they have to figure things out on their own. Since this is often the default however, especially in busy families with multiple kids, it is important to intentionally set up adult-child playtime with your children.
Why? First and foremost, play is the primary language of children. This is entirely true when they are very young, but also true as they get older and have words to express themselves. Imaginative play, including role play or play with puppets/dolls/action figures, is how children learn, it is how they practice for the world, it is how they tell us what is going on for them. If we as the parents are not involved in their play most of the time, we are missing out on so much information about them. If we are not actively participating in their play, we do not have a full picture of who they are socially, developmentally and individually.
We may never hear of a bullying incident on the playground in a conversation, but we will see it in our child’s play. Our child may be afraid to let us know they feel unlovable, but we will see it in their play. Our child may be struggling with how to make friends, and we will see it in their play. Everything comes out in imaginative play, because that is how children process and develop on multiple levels.
I believe one of the main risk factors for children’s mental health is having parents who won’t play with them. Making time to play with your child is critical to having them feel that you as the parents care about them. Children who feel their parents don’t care about them are not going to care about themselves. That may sound extreme, but as a therapist and coach who has worked with children for over 20 years, I can honestly say that there are a lot of kids out there whose mental health problems RESOLVE once their parents make more time for them, to play, to talk, to get to know who they are.
If you want to have a close relationship with your child, if you want them to thrive in every way, make time with them DAILY to play. I know you’re tired, I know you have a hundred things to do, but sitting down and playing with your child is the most important thing you will do each day! You will be rewarded with their trust, their smiles, their giggles and hugs. Most importantly, you will raise a human who feels valued, loved, heard and seen. These are the humans who will be empowered to rise to their full potential, and this is what the world needs! We will not have healing or peace in the world until generations of children grow into the fullness of their purpose on earth, rather than spending their adult lives trying to recover from a difficult childhood, as so many of us parents have done. As you may be able to tell, this is a spiritual mission for me, to support as many children and parents as possible in bringing this powerful generation of sensitive children into their full potential! They are the prophets and healers of our future!
Carolina is an active and proud member of the Sensitive Empowerment Community! Learn more about this wonderful group through Julie Bjelland’s website at https://www.fatfreecartpro.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=342244&c=ib&aff=383793. There are numerous free and paid resources designed to support Highly Sensitive People on this site!
