Highly Sensitive Children & Teens: Challenges with Transitions

Many highly sensitive youth struggle with transitions big and small.  Externalizing highly sensitive children/teens may show this in dramatic meltdowns, aggression, oppositional behavior or excessive efforts to control environments and people.  Internalizing highly sensitive children/teens may experience escalated anxiety, sleep challenges, or freeze/ignore responses when asked to do something.  If your sensitive child or teen shows any of these difficulties, it may be supportive to look at the current transitions in their life to see if there are any adjustments which may be made in order to reduce their feelings of stress and overwhelm.

Many parents are already familiar with behavior problems that occur in their highly sensitive child during minor transitions, such as going from one activity to another, or shifting from one environment to another.  In my work with highly sensitive children and teens who experience intense difficulties with transition, I have found it helpful to look at the total number of transitions the child is experiencing.  Since highly sensitive children and teens process everything so deeply, times of transition take extra energy.  Sometimes parents may not immediately think of “bigger picture” transitions as causing an increase in upsetting symptoms or behaviors, especially if it seems smaller things are setting the child off in a given moment.  However, times such as the end of summer/start of the school year, periodic schedule changes, activities being added or subtracted from a daily routine, separation from family or friends (or even just a reduction in contact), new friends or family members, and parental transitions such as a new job, may be impacting your child in unseen ways.   

Bigger picture transitions are always influencing a highly sensitive youth’s experience of other transitions which may be less significant.  Essentially the more transitions the highly sensitive child or teen is going through at any given time, the smaller their window of tolerance will be for any transition, and the more escalated any problematic symptoms or behaviors may be.  While change is a constant part of life, there are many ways to support the highly sensitive child or teen in managing any emotions that may result from multiple transitions at once.  Here are a few ways you may approach transition challenges with your child or teen:

1.      Review all of the current “big picture” transitions in your family and name all of them in conversation with your child in an age-appropriate manner.  This opens the door for your highly sensitive child or teen to better understand all the things that they may be reacting to. 

2.      Express empathy for how difficult it is to be experiencing multiple transitions at once, and how this can lead to overwhelm in smaller transitions.

3.      Encourage your child by stating that these big picture transitions are temporary and that you know they are strong enough to get through them.

4.      Inquire about what they may need to make things easier.

Here is an example of how you might have this conversation with your child or teen:

I notice that you have been more stressed lately and that little things are bothering you in a big way.  I know that we’re just a week into the new school year and that you’ve really been missing your friends from camp.  I also know it’s been hard for all of us to adjust to dad travelling more often for work than he used to.  I wonder if all those big things are feeling overwhelming for you, and making smaller things like cleaning up your room or transitioning to bedtime more difficult.  Sometimes if I have too many big things happening, one little thing can push me to get really upset.  What about you? (LISTEN to response and empathize further).  I know this all seems hard right now, but I think we’ll be used to the school routine in a few more weeks and then it won’t feel so hard. You know, you are such a smart and brave person, I know we can get through this together.  Can you think of anything that might make it easier? 

[If your highly sensitive child/teen isn’t sure what may make life easier right now, a few things you could suggest include:

Schedule adjustments where possible, giving extra free time in the afternoons, reaching out to people your child/teen may be missing via phone at scheduled times, or just practicing coping skills more frequently such as getting exercise, having creative time, or checking in more often each day.]

If you feel like you need additional guidance, I’m here to help!  Especially if you are uncertain what transitions your child may be reacting to, an intuitive coaching session may help pinpoint what may be overwhelming your highly sensitive child or teen and provide coping strategies. I also encourage you to check out the other resources on this page as potential strategies to understand and support your highly sensitive youth. You may also check out the HSP resources on Julie Bjelland’s website by clicking below:

Carolina is an active and proud member of the Sensitive Empowerment Community!  Learn more about this wonderful group through Julie Bjelland’s website at https://www.fatfreecartpro.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=342244&c=ib&aff=383793. There are numerous free and paid resources designed to support Highly Sensitive People on this site!