Things My Puppy Taught Me, Pt. 2: Finding Ease and Grace
This blog follows “Things My Puppy Taught Me, part 1”, and discusses more important reminders my puppy has given me about our needs as HSP’s
Clear Boundaries are Possible
Watching my puppy learn how to set boundaries with other dogs has been a true revelation! He doesn’t get aggressive with other dogs, nor is he completely passive. He is able to calmly stand his ground even when other dogs are getting into his business. On one recent trip to the dog park, two larger dogs came running over to mine. They came to either side of him and began chasing. It was difficult to tell at first whether this was for fun or for the purpose of communicating to my dog that they were the alphas at the park. To me, it seemed a little aggressive, but my puppy gave chase and ran those dogs around in circles at least six times across the park. As he did so, the other dogs seemed to get more aggressive, barking at him and getting physically closer to him so I started getting nervous. Suddenly in the middle of it all, my puppy simply laid down. His head was still up, and he waited in an alert fashion. He did not seem playful or passive. He just stopped the game by stopping his participation. The other dogs then left him alone and ran off in another direction. For the remainder of the time at the dog park, those dogs kept their distance from mine. He didn’t engage with them or their aggression, he just rested and stayed still until they went away. I was amazed!
Many of us HSP’s often wait until we’re very angry to establish or hold a boundary. For example, if we’re a young person, we might find ourselves yelling at a friend on the playground after they did something we didn’t like for the 3rd or 4th time, rather than requesting that they stop after the 1st time. If we’re older, we might blow up at our co-worker or partner after weeks or months of doing more than our fair share of the labor. But if we take a lesson from my puppy, we realize we don’t need to yell at someone to stop what they are doing. Using the first example, the young person may just walk away from the friend after they do something unpleasant. Using the adult example, we may notice that tension is building in a relationship and disengage briefly to turn inward, so that we may determine how best to advocate for our needs. Often, we find that setting boundaries is more simple if we are very present with ourselves.
Our People are Easy to Spot if We’re Honoring our Perceptions
Now that our puppy is well trained enough to be off-leash in certain areas, one of his favorite things to do is go to a certain park where many other dogs are often hiking with their owners off-leash. He romps ahead to greet each and every dog in our path, and it is clear to him within a few seconds if this is someone to play with or someone to just move on from. If it is someone to play with, they are off to the races chasing each other, jumping on each other and having the time of their lives. If it is not someone to play with, our puppy just moves on until we see another dog. This assessment happens very quickly and without any intervention from me. Oftentimes, the other dog isn’t even giving a signal that is totally obvious to me, such as growling or baring teeth if they don’t want to play, but my dog always knows.
How many times in my life have I had a feeling that I didn’t want to or shouldn’t engage with someone and did so anyway? And how many times did this lead to relationships that were not healthy or didn’t honor my needs? This is the story for so many teen and adult HSP’s. Even our little ones can be prone to trying to be friends with someone who doesn’t make them feel very good about themselves, therefore overriding their own perceptions. My dog observes, seems to turns inward and outward at the same time, and acts accordingly without second guessing. He TRUSTS his impression of the other dog immediately. I have to say, this has dramatically changed my parenting of my own sensitive child, as well as my relationships. Focusing on how people make us feel on the inside as a way to decide whether to engage with them ongoing, has been a major gamechanger. It was something I knew intellectually and even practiced at times with certain people, but I didn’t really embody it on a daily basis until I saw how simple and quick the process was for my dog. Because I was socialized to ignore my inner experiences, it is taking a lot of work, even for this professional intuitive! But already I am seeing changes in myself and my daughter, as we both become more discerning about who we spend our time with.
Joy is our true nature
Like many dogs and puppies, mine LOVES to run. He joyfully chases balls I throw, enthusiastically digs in sand and dirt just for the fun of it, and gracefully jumps much higher than I would have thought possible, just to catch a frisbee or launch himself into a garden planter (a favorite digging spot). He also shows us full body joy every time we get ready to go outside, or when we return home after an hour or so away. There is no filter, no shame in his expressions! He is just 100% in the moment with his desire to be with us, play and run around.
For those of us who are HSP’s it can sometimes be hard to access this truth, that joy is at the core of who we really are. This may be because we are in a near constant state of overwhelm or overstimulation, and/or because we struggle with significant mental health issues such as chronic depression or anxiety. I believe that it is possible for HSP’s of all ages to tap into this joy more often! Of course, our lives are a bit more complicated than a puppy’s, as we have more to deal with and figure out, but when we feel grounded and regulated in our bodies, we do feel better. Many dogs embody this pure joy and it can be contagious to anyone watching. Truly, I have rarely laughed so hard as I do when I watch my puppy just being a puppy.
Presence is everything
If I distill all the daily lessons my puppy teaches me, this is probably what it all comes down to. After all, if I have clear boundaries, surround myself with people who give me a strong sense of love, wellbeing and belonging, and am grounded in joy, that resulting experience aligns with the spiritual goals so many practices hold to be fully embodied and enlightened as we walk through life. If I am able to practice skills that give me a sense of emotional and physical regulation, if I allow my physical sensations and emotions to flow through me and give me information, if I am in supportive relationships, if I turn inward to understand my needs and act accordingly, then I am always working towards that quality of full presence.
My puppy doesn’t have to work at it, he is just 100% present naturally. He is a wonderful example for me that I don’t have to try too hard, that it’s more simple than I make it out to be in my mind. It’s amazing how much conditioning HSP’s have to NOT be present with ourselves. If we received messages from early on that we were too sensitive, too reactive or just plain too much, we had to disengage from our natural tendency to come back to balance. So many of us have to strip away this conditioning in order to realize what we really feel and who we really are.
How do you go about that process of finding healing and balance so that you may be more present for yourself? I believe, for all of us, this is not a “one and done” situation, it is a lifelong practice. One of the reasons I love working with children and families is that the younger we start teaching these skills and practices, the easier it is to carry them into adulthood. For me, the skill of turning inward has been (and will always continue to be) an essential part of this process of becoming more fully embodied. It takes continuous practice to sort through what is true for me vs. what other people think and feel, but the more I practice, the easier it gets. There are many tools for this process, including some guided meditations right here among these resources. I would love to hear from you which practices you find most helpful!
Carolina is an active and proud member of the Sensitive Empowerment Community! Learn more about this wonderful group through Julie Bjelland’s website at https://www.fatfreecartpro.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=342244&c=ib&aff=383793. There are numerous free and paid resources designed to support Highly Sensitive People on this site!
